All My

8 December, 2005 at 21:18 (Uncategorized) ()

Ambition In Life

If I was but a dream to you,
An old, half-forgotten dream,
That you picked up on occaision,
Then I would be beautiful,
Then you would truly think that you had loved me,
That I had loved you,
I would not exactly be remembered,
More idealised.
A dream of a dream of a half-forgotten friend.

Isolating Breakfast

Lean out from your window and be with me,
Lean out from your window, come be mine,
Like the wind is mine, and the seas are mine,
Like the sky is mine, or the trees are mine.
Like the grass that we laid on,
The bricks underfoot,
Like the memories are mine,
Of your mind and your books.
And the skies that we laughed under,
And the grass that we lay over,
Lean out of your window and be with me,
Or the memories will only be mine.

The Explanation

You asked for an explanation, well this is it.
All of you, be quiet, shut up.
Ok now listen to me for a change.
I choose to be without love.
It is a quiet world, a lonely world.
All that I admit, is true.
But it is an honest world, my only world.
It is a world without you, without all of you.
I choose to be without love.
Yet I’m with love, my own love,
Yes I can love as well as you or you or you.
My beating, shuddering heart that could care,
That does care,
For everyone I meet, randomly on the street,
I care for you and you and you,
You are in my heart, all of you.
So be quiet, shut up, listen still to me.
I choose to be without love.
Yes I’m lonely, yes, I won’t let anyone in.
But its better this way, less lying this way,
No strained smiles papery thin.
And should I feel the stirrings of my heart,
Yes it does stir now and then,
(Far better to stir between my thighs or just behind my closed eyes)
Then I have feet to turn and run on,
I have heat to focus my mind on,
Stir my sex, make it physical not emotional,
And run before I turn, run before I learn about requited love,
Before I find I’m trapped by you, by all of you.
I choose to be without love
Before you see who I am with love
No longer pretty; obsessed, distressed,
And lonely, always lonely,
With or without love.
For I still have feet to run on,
To see all that the world is,
I won’t let you catch me with pretty words,
With love that I will not have,
Let me run on if you think you love me,
It’s the one thing I will not allow,
I have friends to abate the lonliness,
Even if it’s only for now,
I choose to be without love.

Marching Under Protest

Take your fight elsewhere girl,
Take it far away from me,
For if I start to fight with you girl
Your fight will be with me.

We might start on the same side,
Against an ugly war,
We might lift arms for peace girl
But what would we do it for?

We’d start out with our armour,
We’d harden up ourselves,
Where once was love between us,
Would only be steel shells.

Do you love me truly girl?
Did your heart meet mine?
Or was it only breathing girl?
Giving us a bit of space, a bit of time…

Take your fight away dear girl,
Take it far away from me,
For I would like to be your friend girl,
For you not to fight with me.

She Could

If I could make you happy my love,
Then I would.
My sweetest of muses, naiad-sapphic lover,
If I could turn those anger flashes,
Into sweetest shining light,
Then I would,
If I could turn your hurting eyes,
Into the most beauteous state of happiness,
Believe me,
I would.

My warrior-queen, my perfect prize,
If I could make you all you would be,
Then I would.

I would take a star and blow it direct into your eyes,
So that they would shine forever,
I would take the woods, make the divine a mantle,
To wrap around your soft skinned shoulders,
I would take the rivers of the world and run them down your hair,
So that it would flow with life until the worlds died,

If it could make you happy my sweetest of muses,
Then I would love you.

All that I can offer you; my heated, heartless body,
Yours to do with as you wish,
As long as you can hold it.

Triumph In The Back Of A Taxi

We were triumphant,
You and I,
Nothing could compare to us,
You and I,
Standing on the pedestals of the Gods,
Laughing from our own Olympus,
Holding each other,
Against the world,
The stupid, darkened world.
Lasting but a moment,
You and I.
In a spotlight of our making,
The world was ours,
Yours and mine.
For the space of a song,
The world waited for our taking,
We were triumphant,
You and I,
For a moment.

Ode to a Jellicle

A closed mouth kiss,
A glance not a stare,
Has me begging for you,
Pleading for you,
But only if you’re not there.

A closed mouth kiss,
Is the most I can expect,
The tightness of the briefest hug,
I can imagine, only imagine,
What else is there.

A closed mouth kiss,
One which I didn’t expect,
Has me clutching for you,
Waiting for you,
But only inside my head.

My 20th Century Lover or Post Modern Sex

For all our frantic coupling,
For all your lazy love-making,
We think not of each other,
We are not lovers,
Not in the truest sense of the word.
Our sophistication abounds,
Oh how decadent we are,
We children of our time,
How truly decadent,
Supreme we rise so beautiful,
So covered in the sopping feces we ourselves shat with words.
You think of she as I scream my orgasms,
I think of he as you thrust away beneath me.
Gentle and frantic by turns,
Our bodies copulate away from both of us.
We fuck.
We fuck.
We fuck.
For comfort, how meaningless is that?

What if you have to say it? They asked

Say it gently if you say it at all,
Say it so my mind cannot hear,
Whisper it into my chest,
The hard place between my breasts,
Say it gently,
Careful now – lest my plans crumble, fall,
Say it so only my heart knows,
Whisper it from your eyes to mine,
Glance it with looks even I cannot find,
Say it gently if you say it at all.

Waste

To touch, yet not to touch,
To heat but remain the same,
To push away as you hold me,
To dampen every flame.
I know for you it is the same.
But not the same,
Your feelings do not enter your brain,
I am puppet to your burly desires,
Nothing to your mind,
I am but a street-skip find,
Someone else’s waste, discarded,
Fit to be toyed with, but picked up?
Held in that clean, clean hand,
To soil the sanitary,
To ruin the pure,
I had lost my allure when we entered your mind.
I am nothing to you,
But a street skip find.
I ignite nothing more than reaction,
Of the physical kind.

To Sam

You who have been so sweet to me,
You who have been my friend,
Are like no one else before you,
Like no one else again?
You I want to push away,
To break you before you mend.
You I want to seal in ice,
Preserve you before the end,
Place you inside a vat embalmed,
So I will never know you again.
Never have to see your face
As you open your mouth and lie to me.
Never have to hear you speak,
As you, slowly, deliberately, hurt me.
Never have to feel,
Your trust ungentle.

Close Your Damned Blue Eyes

Of all the lovers I have had,
It is the never-lovers touched me most.
The ones I never touched
That caught me on the raw.
The ones that with a word
Had me falling to the floor
In ecstasy, anxiety and trust.

It is the never-lovers,
That never made me lust,
Except for them.

Their holy words inside my head,
And I am dangling by a thread,
Waiting, for them with such a feeling,
Kneeling,
Hanging, for their pleasure from the ceiling.

I could not cope with them,
Without the others, the sex;
Waking up in a disarranged bed.
See with a never-lover,
It is your head he wrecks.

Leaving

My autumn leaf came down today,
It swirled about in the wind,
It took to the skies, the hills and the lies,
Like so much dust on the wind.
It tore itself from a tree branch,
It tried to reach the earth,
But the wind caught it, the wind caught it,
And the tree had given birth,
To a dead thing, a leaf.
Made skeletal by the tossing winds,
But coloured by the sun, and it would never grow again,
But it would never know such fun,
My autumn leaf came down today,
Brought down finally by the wind,
The feathery thing came crashing down,
Its veins caught all in the mud,
But it had spent a lifetime, tossed about by the wind.

Safe At Last

Unlooked for,
Bluebell beneath bloody roses,
Roses riddled by blight,
I used to love roses,
They are too gaudy and you were unseen,
Behind snagging goosegrass,
Foun only by fingers questing,
Beyond the tearing thorns,
Bluebell beneath starkly gaunt roses,
Tearing petals over the dell,
You do not die away,
Nor need my words to cut you back,
Bluebell I used to love roses,
You remained.

Later

There is a name missing from the title page,
A dedication that should have been made
Yours.
All that is, was, is;
Thirty seconds, of blue eyes,
All that there is.
All that I needed.

To The Third Blue Eyes

You said that we should be friends,
If you meant it, then,
Please, do not kiss me again.
I would like to be friends, but,
If you lean in,
Press your lips to mine,
Let me feel the heat of you, again,
Then, I do not think we can be friends.
Did you mean it or was it a line?
On the bus, in the street, in the dark,
I cannot help but feel you,
And I so want to be friends,
If you meant it, then,
Please, do not kiss me again.

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