28 December, 2008 at 14:42 (Uncategorized)

I find myself complicit,
whether or not I wanted to be.
I find myself allowing,
what I thought I never would,
simply in the name of going on,
and on with it all.
Cause the night to fall then,
I find myself complicit.

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23 December, 2008 at 00:06 (Uncategorized)

We stood and we watched the embers,
and she said we should make them grow,
I just wanted it all to end,
Burn through and go.
I never loved anyone as much,
nor held others so dear
and I just wanted it all to end,
for all the smoke to clear.
In the mist, beneath the sky,
all the embers a-glowing
and no one to ask why or when or where,
Just stood watching the dreams die,
end, one by one,
until there’s ash and then let that die too,
but she wanted to make them grow.
When those embers,
all that light that we just put a match to,
had died,
too easily for dreams that were held so dear.
Let us stand and watch in the mist,
the old year burn,
seek not to let it grow,
seek not to learn,
just let there be an end, one that is final,
as the embers glow as embers should,
and grow nothing from the ash,
because none of those dreams ever could.

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16 December, 2008 at 11:26 (Uncategorized)

Why did it have to be that way?
Why could she never come in?
And why did we have to wait on you?
For the change that would never come.
And why am I sitting,
who had to be persuaded,
why is it this far I’ve come?
And why is it me who cares so much?
Why could it never be you?
We are sitting in this blackness of a hill
that seems so full of shine,
and I am lonely and confused,
because I knew it was never mine,
a fantasy of wonderful things,
a foolish dream to have,
and yet I had it and it had me,
as I sit her one this hill,
and ask why couldn’t it have been that way?
It was only love.

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13 December, 2008 at 23:36 (Uncategorized)

Was that what you did then?
In all your spinning and your planning?
I half thought you’d swapped me
your intentions and interest ended that night…
or was it rather that you took me out of the game,
my use,
something that requires a little sidelining,
and how you’ve schemed,
and how I’ve fallen in with everything,
at least I know when, or I expect I do,
and I’m hoping, really hoping I know who,
because a thought has occured
that isn’t for this world,
and I am too far gone from the game.

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13 December, 2008 at 23:32 (Uncategorized)

You are my home.
And you have rocked and you have buffeted me,
this last year past.
But still you are,
my island of reeds
in this heady river,
and I swim to you greedily after every dive,
though it may never be
your eyes I crave,
it is your arms I fall into
at the end of every day.

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13 December, 2008 at 23:29 (Uncategorized)

The winds skitters you like leaves in front of me,
sends you dancing down the street in an autumn tumble
though it is the middle of the winter
and darker than any autumn should be.
The silence in me is broken by your laughter
rising on the wildness of the breeze
and you are running and skittering and dancing down the street,
I collect the leaves for later
as my silent laughter joins the wind with your own.
Dance then in the autumn of this winter
the future is ours more than you’ll ever know,
yours from the dances of the street,
and mine from the laughter on the wind.

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13 December, 2008 at 23:25 (Uncategorized)

You still make me breathless,
so very easily,
as we hide every trace of the spark
that’s had us now,
longer than four years of foreplay.
Hold me here for the two seconds that we have
of between time and feel me
quite unable to breathe.
Hold me trembling in your arms
until they turn the page,
and every torn up shred
makes waves that are mine –
only to appreciate from the spray
that breaks across the bows of this ship,
that still is sailing,
in strange waters.
I am still breathless,
and the time that we never had,
is now,
in the moments they look away
from the book.

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11 December, 2008 at 20:48 (Uncategorized)

I know now, why you fascinate me,
I know now, all it ever took to make me happy,
was for you, or you, to show to me,
what it was that made you happy,
what it was that kept you energised.
I never left it behind,
just learned how to watch, how to see,
internalise all that was outside of me,
and love,
quite, quite, quite vicariously.
I know now, the secrets of my heart,
and I wish that it was two years ago,
I wish I’d stayed, in places where I’d never flayed,
my heart outside my head and left me,
open to it all.
I know now, why you enthrall me,
I know now, how I kept it with me and left it behind,
I know where I cannot help but love,
and also why.
Would it have been better had I kept my eyes
quite closed, tightly, tightly shut,
or would I have got here eventually,
past the age of eleven,
not mattering very much.

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7 December, 2008 at 02:15 (Uncategorized)

I love you in the dancelight,
I love you in this trance,
It overtakes us all, can you feel it?
Your smile says you can…
Let the trancelight play over the light of your smile,
Let the trancelight play…
The light that is your smile is what I dance to now,
It’s what I dance to now,
How I love us all in the moment of this trance,
In the perfection of this dance,
Let the trancelight play over the moment of your smile,
Let us love you now,
and dance in this light always.

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