Ode To Weasel

18 December, 2009 at 14:04 (Uncategorized)

I love your exuberance
and the way you tell stories
I love your enthusiasm
and many more things
But this morning you got me
escorted from Morrisons
and the staff there
indicated their suspicion
that I was pissed.

Rather than buying vodka
and completely floored
(I mean this very literally)
by suddenly having to say hello
to your mother.

I loved your cheerful explanation
and completely appreciate
you could not see that
you passed the phone over
as I bent down and grabbed
very large bottles.
The timing was perfect
as I froze and tried not to slip
very aware the bottles were glass.
Your mother may not appreciate
that my first words to her
were death threats to you
her first-born.

However, I believe that
being on my knees
on a slippery supermarket floor
trying to make sure my would-be purchases
did not smash all over the drinks aisle
may mitigate this somewhat.

Your voice was very cheerful,
nay amused
as I could see the Morrisons staff
exchanging glances, and finally,
heading over towards me.
I had to hang up
to try and explain
that I had merely been taken by surprise
by a man who’s sense of humour
sometimes diverges from mine.

given the tight grip
I had on the bottles of vodka
this may not have been believed.
And I was rather escorted
from the premises
without said bottles.



  1. almighty_weasel said,

    My Mum apologises for my behaviour. I regret nothing.
    …Okay. I’m sorry they thought you were drunk, and I would probably have been better playing that particular prank at a different time. But in my defence I didn’t know you were buying vodka. And it was hilarious.
    My parents do like you, y’know. Only through confrontation and pranks can we master our fears!

  2. lucrecia said,

    Hah hah hah!
    Genius 😀

    • almighty_weasel said,

      I’m glad someone acknowledges my awesome pranking capabilities. 🙂

  3. mr_jez said,

    A win moment and a win pome!

  4. felixgwilliams said,

    I am struggling to decipher what this Morrisons story is a metaphor for 😛

    • luvlymish said,

      It is one of my deeper poems and I wonder if perhaps I haven’t made the inner-most meaning of it too complex. 🙂

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