Lesbian Friend

15 August, 2009 at 14:31 (Uncategorized)

I know that that’s our problem
the way that I feel about you.
I want to say you’re my best friend,
I want to say that we’re close,
and what stops me is…
the day that he waited for.

In the bar, everyone else kept going with the barcrawl,
but we that were his friends stayed behind,
we’d heard about your costume,
we knew you were coming down, like you hadn’t in so long,
you’d had your problems – we’d had our own,
but we were waiting.
We waited in the bar
and I hardly knew you, just waited cause he was,
never mind he wasn’t the man who had me on his arm,
I waited cause he was,
and the moment you pushed through the doors,
that was when the problem started –
I was on my knees beside him when he kissed your hand,
I was stumble tongued and memorising every single moment
when I’d seen you before.
Remembering each and everytime I’d almost commented on your blog,
and there was only thirty seconds gone,
he’d only reached the floor,
by the time I’d accounted every word we’d spoken to each other,
the moment that you’d said you hadn’t noticed that I’d gone.

A minute in,
and that was when we had a problem.
For the rest of all time.
I can’t say you are my best friend,
I can’t say that we are close
because you’ve stopped telling me
all the things you used to
because it hurts me to much for me to deal.
I know that that’s our problem,
Or maybe it’s only mine.

I love you.

I can tell you the exact moment when I fell
and it was as he was sinking to his knees,
I swear my heart hit the floor before his lips met your hand,
but in the end,
it doesn’t matter,
he is yours and so am I…in that theoretical way,
the lesbian with the crush,
the embarrassing friend,
I can tell you when I fell,
I can tell you the conversation when I tried to tell you
and the moment when I realised,
that I could never do, anything for you,
so anything you let me do, any moment you let me have,
the fields where we lost the wine,
the wind
and pouring out the drinks over a steering wheel,
these are moments I have on your sufferance.

This is our problem, or maybe mine alone,
I love you.

An embarrassment you sometimes deign to acknowledge
and he dropped to his knees
and I fell
it was only afterwards that I wished,
I was still single.
Still able to make a promise to you.
As it stands, we have always had
this problem.
Or perhaps, mine alone.

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2 Comments

  1. tristissima said,

    Hot shit, Misch! The rhythm is wonderful, if perhaps a little bit typical of slam. Nevertheless, it is natural and perfectly matched to the emotional flow in the poem itself. Your reptition is extremely well-timed, and the vulnerable brashness in the poem is awesome.
    You rock!

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