24 January, 2009 at 17:20 (Uncategorized)

I don’t know how to stop, I wish I did,
and I sound like some stupid pop-song sung by a million kids,
who haven’t got a clue,
who’ve never felt anything like what I feel…
for all of you,
stop singing love songs,
about love between two,
because I’ve never felt anything like this,
when it comes to some ‘me and you’,
theres never been a ‘me and you’ for me,
I’ve never had this True Love every book talks about,
and suddenly I saw, when it had been over years,
exactly where I stood,
when it came to poetry and love and every single one,
of any deepest darkest fears that I still had,
regarding love.
I don’t know how to stop, I wish I did,
I don’t know how to end this,
all these feelings that I swore off, years ago,
that you, and you alone (yes thats a lie) inspired me to,
and then you say, what you have always said,
and then you say, exactly how you feel,
and I…find myself immmoral,
unethical and cheap.
I find myself is not the self I hoped and thought I’d be.
Because I cannot stop,
I have no knowledge how,
because I am stuck forever in this now,
which to you all is long past,
never thought of and unasked, it is where I am,
because you know, and just hope it isn’t true,
or at least that I will never say so.
It ended all so long ago,
and I’m still here,
and I’m still in love,
when all sense of decency and pride should have me gone by now,
all those worthless promises I made to myself,
should have me long gone,
on some boat or train or plane.
But I’m still here,
and I don’t know how to stop,
perhaps I have no real will to do so,
Perhaps I can no longer claim to care,
if I did,
I would never hurt you so,
by my simple act of being.
You, who are the only one, I can ever claim anything like
‘love at first sight’…and you
who has me trapped unknowingly…
if you ever asked me to go,
would I plead and beg for you to change your mind?
Say soemthing else instead?
Or would I pack my bags, knowing that at last,
I was doing something you had asked.
I don’t know how to stop,
I’m in love like I never have been before,
and all admitted to myself,
long after everyone closed all the doors,
and I’m sat in the house alone faced with that truth,
that I came home after finding home,
to a house that was empty and dark,
to a phone-call that had been predicted,
and a filling of the kettle that was stark in it’s lonliness.
Because I’m the girl that everyone knows,
could never be in love,
in the way she was supposed to be,
and I’m still me,
and I’m still here,
long after I should have been long gone.

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