9 January, 2009 at 14:34 (Uncategorized)

Previous words and previous selves,
all previously said aloud,
come to me now, when I have changed my stance,
and I stand in the wind,
no longer defiantly, just asking for you to
build me a cabin that stands up in winter,
no longer who you once called me.
Previous words, previously said,
previous selves, previous heads,
are hanging around my neck,
and I suckle to the dead flesh of the albatross,
as though it will sustain me,
and it will, much more than recent dreams,
and it will, much more than all these schemes,
in which I dared to beleieve,
at your behest.
Which is, what makes you unique,
for I believed I had been jaded,
believed I had tasted, all that life could offer,
at seventeen…
it has only taken me ten years to recant
of such teenage arrogance.
Or was it arrogance,
for once I thought I was one with you,
once I thought that life could be enough,
and now I’m left here stranded,
a could-have-been, would-have-been,
child of my own desires,
hoisted by my own petard, and left here, where I myself demanded,
to be.
Life can never be enough,
the arrogance I thought I’d lost,
grown out of is here still,
and everything I thought I’d left behind,
turns out to be true and real.
How dare I be what I thought I was,
how dare I stand here, where I came,
and say that I am lost?

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