11 December, 2008 at 20:48 (Uncategorized)

I know now, why you fascinate me,
I know now, all it ever took to make me happy,
was for you, or you, to show to me,
what it was that made you happy,
what it was that kept you energised.
I never left it behind,
just learned how to watch, how to see,
internalise all that was outside of me,
and love,
quite, quite, quite vicariously.
I know now, the secrets of my heart,
and I wish that it was two years ago,
I wish I’d stayed, in places where I’d never flayed,
my heart outside my head and left me,
open to it all.
I know now, why you enthrall me,
I know now, how I kept it with me and left it behind,
I know where I cannot help but love,
and also why.
Would it have been better had I kept my eyes
quite closed, tightly, tightly shut,
or would I have got here eventually,
past the age of eleven,
not mattering very much.

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