21 November, 2008 at 18:03 (Uncategorized)

I cried myself to sleep last night,
with grief I thought I’d keep, just to myself.
But it came out last night where I thought I’d wrapped the silence round,
and all the parts of unhappiness I’d found,
and all the parts of complete that I’d lost,
made me shake with sobs,
oh silently at first, couldn’t have you fear the worst,
and silently they came as you lay besides me.
I cried myself to sleep last night,
in the way I use to do, long before I met you,
in a house where all sound carries and I didn’t want to share,
the sadnesses which I had, because they were unfair,
but last night I felt myself crying,
perfectly silently,
I did it to a man once before,
cried besides him and he all unawares,
didn’t want to lie to you, didn’t want to say,
that this grief that’s spilling out is nine months old,
and I didn’t think that it would birth.
I cried myself to sleep last night,
because I’ve kept my mouth closed,
kept it wrapped inside and nutured by my,
happy, glad denial,
and silently the birth pangs came,
and I turned to you, when they would not go away,
as other sorrows do,
but still I couldn’t say,
what I still can’t say.
And I’ve stitched it up and I’ve stitched it up,
torn four ways and patched up like a quilt,
but the birth pangs came last night,
and the tar within my heart has overspilt.

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1 Comment

  1. mayamaia said,

    …the silence as I search for words is all I have to say.

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