What do you want to be?

20 July, 2008 at 23:55 (Uncategorized)

What was it for you?
I’ll tell you what it was for me,
a last ditch effort,
to please them.
The way I’ve never done,
a last ditch effort,
for some acceptance,
in a family I’ve never come from.
So, what was it for you?
Since you always had it so good,
For me, it was being,
all the things I never could,
I passed though,
and I think I’ve been,
good enough,
and you’ve never seen what I’m like,
when I’m doing it,
I’m pretty good.
Not quite enough though is it?
When your life hangs in the balance,
and there’s always some reason to compromise,
and is it the effort that’s not enough,
or the ability?
I can never tell,
because,
for me, it was the last thing I could do,
that might have raised a smile or two,
a nod, some understanding,
and to burn that away,
will take some doing,
even for me.
Because I’m good when I do it,
and it might have got me through it,
this thing,
this life,
this desire to apologise,
for never being quite, wanted,
and for always wanting to escape,
without their being anything to escape from.
So, when we burn,
I’ll need to mourn,
because then I’m completely and utterly free,
no ties,
no strings,
and no way to please.

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